


under pressure

by The_IPRE



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode 175: Ascension, Gen, Hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:07:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27697390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_IPRE/pseuds/The_IPRE
Summary: “Hey, Azu! How are you doing- well, what are you doing, and- can I help?” Cel’s voice is brittle, and it takes a moment for Azu’s eyes to focus on them.“Ah, hello. I was helping Barnes to put up tents, but…” Azu looks down at the stake in her hand, and then up and around at the completed tents. “I suppose that’s done now.”“Yes, uh, it does seem to be that way.” Cel feels like they’re shaking, enough that it would probably be visible if their arms weren’t so tightly crossed. “Question: are you okay with physical contact right now, because, um, if so, a hug would be. Very nice.”
Relationships: Azu & Celiquilliton "Cel" Sidebottom
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	under pressure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kimabutch (CWoodP)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CWoodP/gifts).



> Thank you for the prompt!

Cel is fine.

They’re fine in that way where they are very much _not_ fine, in the way where they know that there is blood on their hands because no matter what Mr. Smith says, they know that if they had done better none of this would have happened, but it did, and now the bodies of their friends are laid out around campfires sputtering in the snow.

They ducked inside the carcass of the _Vengeance_ a while ago, taking and retaking stock of the damage because as long as they’re keeping busy, they’re fine.

The wood of the walls is splintered around them and they step over a lamp shattered on the floor. They put this vessel back together once and they can do it again, even if they don't have access to an airshipyard, even if there is no way of knowing what sorts of technology the Ursans will have.

Cel ducks through a door frame that is most certainly not structurally sound. It doesn’t matter if they don’t have the right tools, not really, back at the start of this they’d even built a stealth catamaran out of practically nothing, and that had gone- well, not great, but it had worked. This would be fine.

Their foot knocks against a tankard lying on the floor, handle snapped clean off, and they are bowled over by a sudden desperate need to get out.

The walls press much closer as they leave and they bump their head on a leaning door frame and their shoulders are tight up around their ears, but then they’re outside again and the cold is almost soothing in its intensity, biting against their skin even with Hamid’s _endure elements_. 

Their lungs are tighter than they should be and this is actually probably one of those brain attacks of some sort, but Cel just focuses on continuing to move. They read somewhere that sharks died if they stopped moving and they already usually related to that, but right now it feels even more applicable.

They spot Azu looking lost, standing outside the ring of tents with a stake held loosely in one hand. Cel heads over, footsteps carefully intentional but probably a bit faster than they would have liked.

“Hey, Azu! How are you doing- well, what are you doing, and- can I help?” Cel’s voice is brittle, and it takes a moment for Azu’s eyes to focus on them.

“Ah, hello. I was helping Barnes to put up tents, but…” Azu looks down at the stake in her hand, and then up and around at the completed tents. “I suppose that’s done now.”

“Yes, uh, it does seem to be that way.” Cel feels like they’re shaking, enough that they are sure it would be visible if their arms weren’t so tightly crossed. “Question: are you okay with physical contact right now, because, um, if so, a hug would be. Very nice.”

Azu pulls herself back in and smiles a little, focusing back on Cel, and almost as soon as she opens her arms they are hugging her, sinking deep into the thick furs of her parka. 

Azu’s arms settle around them in return, at first light in an attempt to be soothing, but then her grip tightens to hold them close. Her head presses against theirs, and if they feel her trembling, they certainly don’t say anything about it. Not when the tightness in their chest is being replaced by this far more comforting one, not when they’ve tightened their fingers in the strands of her parka, not when her hands on their back are the most solid thing in the world.

They don’t know how long they stay like that, the crackle of campfires and low murmur of conversation fading away behind them. Cel feels the closest to fine that they have since the crash. The most able to face the fact that they aren’t actually fine.

“You are a very good hugger,” Cel finally says, voice muffled from where their face is smushed into Azu’s shoulder.

“It was part of the training to become a paladin of Aphrodite,” Azu says, grip squeezing somehow tighter for a moment before beginning to release Cel.

“Was it really?”

Azu gives them a small grin. “No. Every paladin I met was a very good hugger, though. It was nice.” Her expression turns wistful.

“Well, I don’t know how well I actually measure up to professionally trained huggers, but these arms are always open. I mean, if I’m holding any potions maybe give me a heads up first, but. You know. It’s nice to hug somebody the same height again.”

“I know! Hamd is very good at hugs, but.” Azu’s voice lowers, almost conspiratorial. “Sometimes it feels a bit more _hugging_ and a bit less _being hugged_.”

Cel nods, the edge of their mouth lifted in a quirked grin. At some point during the hug, their muscles had begun to ease, and they shove their hands into their coat pockets. “I understand that completely.”

“Oh! Speaking of Aphrodite! Something happened.” Cel’s eyebrows raise. “Something good!”

“That’s lovely! Well, I would- I would love to hear about it.”

Azu’s voice grows revenant as she describes holding hands with her goddess. She is quick to reassure Cel that this is as big as it sounds, bigger, even – apparently _Eren Fairhands_ , whoever that is, hadn’t been spoken to by Aphrodite herself – and as _much_ as everything is, it is nice to be able to focus on just this bit of good. 

Cel leans against Azu’s side and she leans back, a comforting weight to ground them back in their body. Standing at the edge of the clearing, they look out into the woods with the noises of the camp at their back. It is impossible to forget everything that has happened, but they focus on the sounds of Azu’s words and shape their own in return, they catalogue the feeling of her arm against theirs, and it is enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave a comment or kudos, or come talk to me on tumblr at [the-ipre](https://the-ipre.tumblr.com)!


End file.
